Hoping for something and working for something are two different things.
Here’s an example from my life. I was 46, divorced, and had two young-ish kids. I knew I wanted a relationship again someday, but here’s what I told myself:
You’re getting old. Strike 1.
Most men your age have kids that are out of the house. Strike 2.
You’ve never really dated, you have no idea what you’re doing. Strike 3.
Did I mention that you’re old?
All of those things made me feel like crap. It didn’t inspire me to put myself out there and meet people. But I pushed through because like it or not, I am incredibly determined. Or maybe that’s stubborn. Either way.
I could’ve sat on my couch hoping for a relationship. I’d still be doing that two years later. Instead, I put the work into myself for a solid year. I learned to tell myself different stories:
You’re adventurous, you’re in great shape, age is just a number.
So a friend helped me set up a Tinder profile. Ugh. Kill me now. Did I mention I was 46? It was all very surreal and disturbing and I learned even more valuable lessons. I made a promise to myself through this process about how I would treat people. Respect and honesty. Even when it was hard and made me want to vomit, I kept that promise. I’m all about integrity. Online wasn’t for me. It felt so superficial. I only gave it a few weeks and then I bailed.
I also started dating. That was hard and scary. I realized I had a lot more work to do. Sometimes I wanted to curl up in a ball and suck my thumb. Go back to hoping, this working through stuff was daunting. In the end, my hard work has paid off. I had and continue to have an incredible support network. The man I am with is proof that hard work and a belief that you are worth it WILL pay off. He is my unicorn.
I have been divorced for exactly two years now and I have blown my own mind. We think hope feels good, but it doesn’t inspire action. I hope I’ll meet someone. Then we wait for it to happen. Waiting doesn’t feel great. How about: I want to meet someone. I want it to be healthy. What am I willing to do to make that happen? Work will always get you somewhere. Sometimes further than you ever imagined.
Are you going to hope it happens or are you going to make it happen? Let me help you blow your own mind. It just takes one small step forward. I’ll show you the way.
